Reaction File: Yuppies

The Invisible Man

I have ridden along Fifth Avenue and Madison Avenue long enough to know that when I'm in Yuppie country, I'm invisible. The streets may be crowded, but these people are not going to acknowledge me for several reasons. For one thing, they are already distracted by their cell phones, Blackberrys, and those weird things that guys wear in their ears so that they don't need to be bothered holding a handset to their cheeks. With all of this technology and networking going on, they can't spare any concentration on something so bizarre as a unicylist.

The other factor is that they need to appear cool. These are not the people to give me a thumbs up (or even a thumbs down). They walk right by me as if they see unicycles on a daily basis, perhaps at the office. This behavior is true of yuppie men regardless of location: In their natural habitat (the financial center) or out (like if they're on their way to work), young men in suits will never, ever make eye contact with me for more than a fraction of a second and will never smile in my direction. And they will certainly not crane their heads to prolong their view of me.

The behavior of yuppie females is a bit different. They will rarely smile (less than 5% of the time, I'd guess) and will never say anything, but they often stare. In addition, they will frequently open their eyes wider while not moving their lips or even their eyebrows, creating a somewhat distutbing picture, compounded by the fact that, like their male counterparts, they keep their head posture unchanged. The effect is as tho they have just had an important thought.

No one appears to see me while I glide, faster than normal, thru their world. The overall effect is quite like the scenes in The Matrix when the hero is practicing different reality-bending techniques. He moves, unnoticed, thru the irreal world of the people plugged into the computer. I am Neo.